Where was I? Ah yes, finally ready to give sex a try.
September 22nd: On Saturday, I showered (at B’s) and then while he showered, I set out a condom and lube and a cloth, and then I sat on the end of his bed in my underwear. I felt pretty calm and ready, though of course there were nerves. When he emerged, I told him that today was “soon.” Then I had to pee. =)
This was going to be “a practice run.” I had no grand romantic illusions, and I was fully prepared for us to have to stop and try again another day. We kissed and B tried some sexy talk, which just made me giggle. Then it was simply logistics. It crossed my mind that I should request a bit more foreplay, so I could try to relax and get into it, but I didn’t. We put a folded pillow under my bum, the condom was on, and lube was applied. He kept saying I had to guide him in, and I kept saying I didn’t know how. Eventually though, I did grab hold and get him pointed at the correct angle. Positioning was still a bit tricky, with my hips and legs being so tight. Finally, B just picked up my legs and put my ankles on his shoulders as he knelt in front of me. I was relieved that he’d had an idea and just did it, that he was comfortable maneuvering my legs. Of course he asked how it was, if I was comfortable. Then, he’d try to push his way in, the angle would go wrong, and he’d slip out. Eventually, it just happened–he pushed his way in and was in. And I said ow and tensed up and he stopped. I breathed and said keep going (though it still hurt). He was looking down at me with an expression between concern and concentration, and I had my hands on his forearms. He made a kissing face and I made one back, since we were too far apart to actually kiss (there’s no way my legs were that flexible). We stopped and he put my legs down. We tried again with my knees bent. Though I couldn’t put my legs around him, my feet were up off the bed I think. It hurt the whole time, but not terribly. We stopped again, and it was a relief to have the pressure/tightness/pain ease. We’d talked throughout the whole attempt, and I said it was a pretty good practice run. (I honestly thought he wouldn’t actually be able to get as far as he did.)
After a few moments, I got up to use the bathroom and was truly surprised to find blood. With being thirty-one and having had tampon/fingers/speculum/toy up there, I figured there’d be stretching, but nothing to cause bleeding. Of course, B was much bigger than anything that had previously crossed the threshold. I blotted several times until there was no more and figured that was it. Still, I put underwear on before getting back in bed. When B took his turn in the bathroom, I checked the sheets. There were a few drops on the pillow that had been underneath me, and I wondered if B had seen it. When he returned, we took a nap together, and I loved having him naked next to me.
I knew there’d be a bit of recovery time, but I was still really surprised when I continued to bleed, enough to need to change into the only other clean underwear I’d brought. I guessed that maybe there was a little tear at or just inside my opening. B asked about another practice run, and I told him I’d need a little while. He was surprised and sad/apologetic that things were still sore. I didn’t tell him about the bleeding because I didn’t want him to feel bad (or he’d just think that he’d broken my hymen and that it was supposed to happen that way). We spent the rest of the day and night lounging at his place.
September 23rd: Sunday we also spent the day together. It was four months since our first “date” at the Thai restaurant. That night we stayed at my place and had waffles and ice cream on Monday morning.