October 24th. B started his new job on October 22nd. He would now be a working man, complete with an hour commute by express bus every morning and evening. He’d be more tired and we’d see each other less. He’d come over one or two times for a few hours during the week before we’d spend most of the weekend together. The first time I saw him after he started work on Monday was Wednesday evening. We held each other tight upon greeting, having played phone/email tag since Monday. After dinner, we made out with all our cold weather clothes on, until I invited him to climb between my flannel sheets, just put on for the first time this season.
I’d been stretching with my fingers and my toy regularly, and practicing my kegels, and I could tell things were improving just a little. It felt so good to be close and warm together between clean flannel sheets. Here’s what I have in my journal about that night: He spent some time at Piccadilly and it was pretty nice. Somehow there’s got to be more of the kissing and holding and the whole mood, but right now he’s still concentrating on getting it right. I spent some time on top, and it was actually kind of difficult to decipher what I was feeling anatomically. Then he held onto me and turned us to that we were on our sides facing each other, and he moved against me, making his sexy heavy breathing sounds. Though I wasn’t completely aroused, I think I could have gotten there. He was pretty close, and then–our alarms went off. He had to go home and get some sleep before taking the early bus. We laughed and he got up to go. He says I’m “too good” at nibbling his ear. I love the sounds he makes.
October 26th. Friday night B came over again, after his first full week of work. I had just showered and was wearing only a robe when I answered the door. I had another plan. I put the backup sheet on the bed and planned to give him a massage with the orange oil, since I hadn’t gotten to try it out on him yet. When he arrived, I told him I had something to give him, but first he had to take off his shoes and wash his hands. I felt weird asking him to wash his hands (which I wanted him to do after he touched his shoes), but if they were going to be touching my naked self, I wanted them to be clean!
When he’d done as I’d requested, I told him he was getting a survived-the-first-week-of-work massage. A naked massage. He gamely stripped down to his boxers. Sometime I want to do massages that are quiet and sensual, but this time we chatted, and I spilled oil and knelt awkwardly beside him, though I was eventually able to kneel with a knee on either side of him. Then I asked him to turn over and I did arms/legs/chest too. We kissed and had a lovely time making out. When we kissed and he held me, I felt warm and melty, which is the first time that had happened, and it made me feel hopeful. Off came our remaining clothes. I liked it when he touched me, without worrying about Piccadilly, with all the kissing and the holding and the breathing. I straddled him and kissed him and thought that if we had been lubed up, that I might have tried it right then. It seemed possible. Then he did spend some time at Piccadilly and even asked yes/no questions so I was able to give feedback. But once, he was being really enthusiastic in the wrong spot and it’s just difficult to interrupt and give direction, and moving his hand also interrupts/breaks the mood. Anyone figured out “beginning bedroom communication for introverts”?
B asked if I’d been reading The Guide, and I said I’d been busy with the two articles I’d shown him. I’d been wanting to tell him about my progress. I even put the toy in my nightstand (doesn’t usually live there). I wanted him to see what I’d been working with. When I showed him, he said, “Wow, that’s big!” And it seems big, but his girth is half as much again, at least. I said, “You’re the next size up.” He asked me when I wanted to try the next size up. I said, “Now?” I said that putting the toy in first would stretch me a bit. I actually did it, too. Lubed it up and stuck it in, and he looked down at it there, lifting the covers, and he felt it. We laughed at its highest speed (I never use it that high). He’d never used a toy before, and I wondered how he felt about it.
Of course by this time, things were no longer kissy and breathy and sexy. And I had to pee. Then he went after me, and I put the toy back in while he was in there. Back in bed we kissed and he asked me, you on top? Me on top? So I said me on top. With me climbing up there and getting lube and warning that it’s a practice run, we did not sustain a mood and I wasn’t aroused. And neither was he. And we realized how difficult me on top would actually be and gave up. B said, “You’ve got me nervous” and then amended it to “I’m nervous.” I said I was nervous too. I had admitted I was afraid that it wouldn’t work/would be painful again and that we’d have to stop and both be disappointed again. I don’t know how to sustain my tenuous arousal through the logistics and I was a bit relieved when he said it wasn’t working and we decided to stop.
October 27th. We spent all of Saturday together…with his mom, going on a fundraiser walk in another town. So now I’ve met her. We were back to our town by 7pm, and B and I parted at 9:30 so he could have a day to himself on Sunday before starting another work week.