One year ago today, I started this blog. Also one year ago today, B contacted me on OKC.
This blog began as a way for me to document my efforts to be more social and go on a date. I called it, In the Name of Womanhood, It’s Time: Operation ITNOWIT. Of course I marvel that I actually succeeded.
This morning, when I woke up in B’s bed, I thought about how amazing this last year has been. I thought about how anxious/nervous/unsure I was when we first spent time together, and how I couldn’t (truly could not) imagine ever being comfortable with a man. How I felt nearly ill when we were approaching our first kiss. Now I kiss him all the time. I blow raspberries into his neck and stick my tongue in his ear to hear him yelp. I grab his bum with gusto and graze his crotch with my fingertips in mock innocence. Yup, I’m pretty comfortable. And I have a lot of fun.
A month or so ago, my family and friends–independently of each other–started asking me when they were going to hear about us getting engaged or moving in together. We’ve really only been dating since July, so naturally my response was, “What?! We haven’t even been together a year!” Now B is getting it on his side as well. A couple weeks ago we attended an event during which we sampled foods a various restaurants. B kept the nature of our evening a surprise. When the lady next to us heard that there was a surprise for me, she asked if he was going to propose! And started babbling about hiding a ring in a dessert, though if he were going to do that he wouldn’t tell her, would he… That was the first time anyone had said something about marriage to us outright, and we’d certainly not yet talked to each other about marriage or cohabitation. It’s certainly awkward to have it brought up by a stranger that way. B whispered, “I’m not going to propose.” I whispered back, “Don’t ever hide a ring in food for me, ever.”
Then this weekend a (female) friend of B’s asked him, “So when are you going to pop it to her?” I wasn’t there. But his mother was. So now she’s asking too. I’m glad B told me about it later and we were able to joke about it. I told him about how my sister was looking around my place trying to imagine what it would be like if he moved in. So now B and I have successfully had our first half-joking, hypothetical conversation about living together.
This weekend, we were at a conference. There was a boxed lunched provided, soda and bottled water, and not a recycle bin in sight. I immediately notice this kind of thing and tend to zero in on cans/bottles being tossed in the garbage, like I should tackle the person in slow motion—“Noooooo!”—and save that precious resource from the landfill. B and I stayed after to help clean up and I looked around at the cans and bottles on the tables and windowsills and said, “I feel like I should grab a bag and collect these.” Then we saw that someone had put a (now almost full) blue bin outside in the lunch area. Of course I started plucking cans and bottles out of the overflowing trash cans, delighted that someone else had at least tried to remedy the situation. And B helped. Soon we were digging through all the trash cans and even separating the cardboard lunch boxes out, B stomping them flat and putting them into a large empty box. I almost said, “I’ve never loved you more than I do at this moment.” (But then I remembered the way he danced us, so I don’t know if it would have been strictly accurate.) If we’d had a compost bin, there would have been almost zero trash at that event. It really doesn’t take that much effort to reduce waste. And I was having a great time (making a small but real difference) and was so happy that B jumped right in.
He’s my person, and I’m so grateful to have found him.
I’d like to thank you all for following my journey so far. If you have a blog you’d like to share, please leave a comment. I’m so glad I found an online community to be a part of.