B and I have passed the 5 month mark since we moved in together.
Mostly things are really lovely. Lately, I’ve only posted here about issues I’ve been trying to work out, and I’ve left out all the good stuff. The two areas I’ve needed to write about here are sex and the household–which I imagine are the top two for most couples!
Sex is going to be an ever-changing journey, and that’s all there is to it. It’s never going to go the same way twice. I’m content with where we are because I know that it’s pretty darn good and there are almost endless possibilities.
Household stuff is okay. I’ve never liked cleaning, but I do have a cleaner version of what “clean” is than B does, and that’s fine. I’m also home more to notice the state of things more. Even though we started off with the lovely gender equality idea of splitting the cleaning, that only makes sense if I also worked full time and commuted, etc. We tried to have a set cleaning day where we just clean the whole place together and then it’s done, but that was a lofty goal that did not happen. So, I’m adjusting my expectations and accepting that B does what he can and that I do the rest. The key is to remember that it’s fair and not to be resentful. Thank goodness we have a small place and no kids, because I grumble enough as it is!
Ah, the holidays. We spent Christmas just the two of us this year, and it was really lovely. We read out loud together and played (a thousand games of ) Boggle, and I learned Scrabble and Yahtzee. We housesat my sister’s place that’s a six hour drive from here, so we had a rent-free vacation away by ourselves.
When B was nervous about how I’d feel living with him, I remember wondering if he’d feel more sure of me if we were engaged. Marriage has come up a few times since then, and although I haven’t written about it here, so does the heavy family history he has. I last wrote about it the first time I heard about it, here. And so it’s always there, and we live our lives. A couple months ago, I realized that I wanted to propose to him, and I thought it would be nice to have that moment when we were on our vacation.
And then I thought, but if he isn’t sure, I’d be putting him on the spot. And what if he wants to ask me himself at some point? Would he be disappointed if I took that away? So I thought, no, I shouldn’t.
But you see, we had just finished another book together. And it was such a lovely time and a beautiful sunny day. And I love him so much. So I took him by the hand and snuggled up to him and gave him lots of kisses. And I told him I had a question for him. I asked him. And he said yes.
He said yes! Just like that. I was surprised. And a bit proud of him, even. For believing in me and in us and not worrying about what might happen. And we kissed some more and cried a little. We’re getting married.